Deceiver

As I'm fueling the car, preparing to head north.

Mom (watching me): "You know, I have yet to pump my own gas."
Me: "Oh? You haven't fueled since Dad died?"
Mom: "No, I mean ever. I never do my own gas."
Me: "There's a place around here that does it for you?"
Mom: "Oh no. I just stand outside the car and look lost and helpless, which is easy for me. Someone always comes over and offers to help."
Me: "So what you're saying is that you use your elderly wiles on these nice small town people in order to get out of a simple menial task?"
Mom: "Hey, if you got it, use it. In my case it's looking like a breeze would knock me over and I'd break a hip and die."
Me: "How long have you lived here?"
Mom: "Over ten years."
Me: "Not once?"
Mom: "Not once."
Me:

(Author's Note regarding breaking of hips - my mother has proven beyond any ability of modern science to explain it that she's indestructible. The only thing falling in a gas station would do is likely expose her Terminator-esque endoskeleton. Then her secret would be out and she'd have to pump her own gas.)