Momwatch 2013 - Meet the new Doc

Doctor: "Have you had the flu shot?"
Mom: "I'm allergic."
Me: "Lie."
Mom:
Me: "Doctor, she doesn't do vaccines - she says 'allergic' but means 'control freak who doesn't trust the system."
Mom: "Yes."
Doctor: "I see. So, we don't have a lot of records for you from the last couple of years."
Mom: "That's because until recently I was healthy as a horse."
Me: "Lie."
Mom:
Me: "She says 'healthy as a horse' but really means 'I was an ER nurse for several decades and thus I speak your language oh medical one, therefore with a polite smile and the right keywords I know you will likely let me off with a script and a smile. That is how I have successfully evaded capture for all of these years for my uncontrolled COPD."
Mom: "Yes."
Doctor: "I see. And you brought your mom here to see me because ..."
Me: "Jeff Corwin was unavailable and Steve Irwin is dead. You were the next logical choice. You want my tranquilizer gun? It's in the car."
Doctor (to Mom): "Does she always talk like this?"
Mom: "No. Sometimes she gets mad too. It's probably why I'm still alive."
Doctor: "Strong work."