If you can't hear the bell tolling ... does it count?

Meredith failed her newborn screening exam (deja vu) and had to go for a repeat test with an audiologist.  Since we were supposed to be getting another one for James post-op as it was we scheduled both together.  Fortunately the baby passed the screening with flying colors.  I had very high hopes for James as far as improvement went, since the tubes were put in he's been doing so much better.  However we're apparently not that lucky.

The exact quote from the audiologist was, "This is permanent kiddos."  It's really interesting just how profound and far reaching a single word like "permanent" can be.  Even now as I try to objectively sort through the information, it's hard to wrap my mind around the concept that my son has a level of disability that will never improve.  She told me he will need external hearing aids in both ears in order to hear at a normal level.  Before committing to this we decided to take him for a second opinion -- I want to be 100% certain of what we're dealing with before approaching the problem.  So today we went back to the audiologist who originally tested him in October.  He was a little more thorough in his testing and while his results were unfortunately similar, I do feel more comfortable with his methods and explanations.  I also have a little more direction in where to go from here.

He has a moderate level of conductive hearing loss in both ears, which means his issues are neurologic in origin.  He should be hearing conversation at approximately 10 - 20 decibels, in both tests so far he only appears to be hearing conversation once you get to 40 or 50 decibels.  This means that "normal" conversational speech levels sound very soft to him.  It's something that we have to address before he enters school full time, otherwise he'll be severely limited once he gets to the grades where classwork is lecture intensive.  He just won't be able to hear the material as well if at all -- depending on the speaker or where he's sitting.  It also explains why he loses interest in school sometimes, especially during story time.

He's so good during all of this testing, it breaks my heart sometimes.  He was sitting with his dad in the soundproof booth today, big headphones on, watching the audiologist through the window with his huge eyes.  He wanted so much to do well, to do what the audiologist was asking him to do.  And there's mommy, sitting in the corner making her lip bleed by biting into it to keep quiet.  All we can do is keep the experiences as positive as possible, especially if we're going to have to stick devices in his ears and convince him to wear them. :(

So the next step now is to re-schedule him for a BAER test, which has to be done under sedation.  It's like an EEG, they stick a bunch of electrodes to his head and measure actual neural impulses and stuff.  It will give us a more precise range in regards to his loss, which will be helpful when it comes to adjusting his amplification.  He hears more of the higher frequencies, the loss appears to be in the lower ranges.  This is the lesser of many evils and one of the few positives.  It means he can hear diction more clearly than say, environmental noises -- since speech is in the higher ranges. 

The other audiologist already made molds of his ears for the hearing aids, in anticipation and since he was being cooperative at the time.  Once all the testing is done, then we have to come up with the funds.  I haven't heard back from the insurance company yet, but most private insurances do not pay for the actual devices -- just the appointments for adjustments and monitoring.  My options are limited at the moment, but we're still looking at a few different things.  Otherwise we'll have to come up with approximately $3500 out of pocket for a pair of hearing aids for him.  Which with me just finishing my stint on disability is truly getting blood from a stone.  But this too shall pass of course.

Chris is being the optimistic one again, which is a stunner for anyone who knows him. ;)  He already calls James "Daddy's little Cyborg" and is generally unconcerned.  He feels that 1) he's not deaf and 2) it's correctable, so he's focused on the positives.  He's right of course, but it doesn't stop Mommy from having mini-panic attacks at stop lights or whenever she allows herself to really think about it ...

"This is permanent kiddos."