Masters of the Obvious

There are a few things inherent to my line of work, two of them are the ability to make rapid decisions and the power of observation.  Now it never ceases to amaze me when other personnel (for example the police) overlook something particularly pertinent.  This is not a bash on any of my uniformed brethren -- there's just as many faux pas among our own.  But without further ado, I bring three of my favorite exchanges that caused me to cock my head and give them the "dumb German Shepard look."  Be advised there is some gore involved.


Scenario 1 (from last night):  We get called to a motor vehicle accident on a major highway around 3:30 am.  It's late, not too much traffic.  We arrive to see a very badly damaged vehicle with at least five Pakistani nationals drunk, bleeding and flailing inside.  Yelling is a good thing in triage, it means you're awake and breathing.  Since there wasn't much to do until the Rescue unit cut apart the minivan, I decide to survey the scene a little further. 

So I'm strolling along the perimeter, humming, and come across two other police officers by the median.  We smile and exchange some pleasantries above the background clatter of the hydraulic tools.  During the course of the conversation I happen to ask, "So are there any other patients from any other vehicles while I'm out here?"  Now mind you, we've been here about ten minutes give or take, and I've been chatting with them for a couple.  They reply, "Just the guy in the van."  I say, "What guy?"  They point to a blue van I had walked past twice that I had not seen anyone in.  So I hotfoot it back over there to find "the guy in the van" -- face down on the floorboards between the front seats, taking his last few breaths.

After running back to the other guys and gathering some help, I say to them "Just when were you planning to tell us about him?"  They answer, "Oh we reached in and didn't feel a pulse so we just left him."  The gentleman died shortly after we dragged him out of the van -- did that delay make a difference?  Probably not at all, but still they could've mentioned it!  Yeesh.

Scenario 2 (a few months ago):  We get called for a pedestrian struck on a main thoroughfare late at night.  By the time we arrive there are plenty of other folks there, fire and police etc.  It's in front of a KFC.  The patient is laying on the sidewalk, as we position the vehicle our headlights are shining on him like a spotlight -- illuminating the man's main problem.  Where his head should be is a smear.  Literally.  No head ...just a big bloody smear with a bit of a debris radius involving skin, brain and skull fragments.  We're still about 20 feet away, but that's what we see, an intact body and this smear.

While we're admiring the unusual injury pattern on poor Icabod here and parking the vehicle, a detective walks up to the truck.  Just to be sure of what I'm seeing I ask, "Does that man have a head?"  Now the detective who's been here for awhile now looks right at the headless body and sincerely says, "I don't know."

Good thing he gets paid more than I to notice these things.

Scenario 3 (a few years ago):  I have the misfortune of being called to a 16 year old shot in the head.  Now if there's one thing you learn the hard way, it's that where I work -- shooting someone in the head does not kill them.  And even when it does, it's certainly not right away.  So in typical fashion, this young man with his egg severely scrambled has not gone into the light and is still breathing.  So we are working hard to do what we can for him, I will skip the gory particulars.  Anyway, while all this is going on the police keep mentioning about just being careful to preserve the scene as best we can.  "And don't touch the gun!"  Which causes me to notice the revolver on the floor next to my left knee.  So I look at it for a moment and look back at the officers.

me: "This is the gun?"
detective: "Yes, that's it, don't touch it."
me: "This gun right here?"
detective: "Yes."
me: "It has no trigger.  How did he get shot?"
detective: "No trigger?"
me: "No."
detective: "Oh."

Here's your sign. 

Postscript on scenario 3 -- The triggerless gun was actually the weapon involved.  His friend had found it in the trash and figured it was harmless because it was missing the mechanism.  Unfortunately he started pulling back on the hammer ... while standing behind his friend.